A carrier of tales
Have you heard the story about the US Navy pilot during WW2 who was incredibly accident prone? During his training he wrote off several aircraft in various accidents and continued to create havoc when he began his duties aboard a carrier. Eventually his squadron reached the fighting area and were due to make their first active sortie against the Japanese.
Before take-off his commanding officer drew him to one side and said, "Now look here Pavlovski, I want you to stay 2 miles behind and 5000 feet above the rest of the guys. Just watch what goes on and stay out of trouble."
So he dutifully did as he was told and followed along at a safe distance. After a while his attention was caught by a flight of Zero's which were above the squadron, hidden from them in the sun and obviously about to attack. He quickly climbed to a position above the Japanese planes and attacked them out of the sun just in time to forestall their surprise attack.
He shot down two of the Zero's and most of the others were destroyed by his squadron. Having finally made good, he was overjoyed and hurried back to the carrier where he made a perfect landing - which was an event in itself.
Switching off, he jumped out of his plane and hurried up to the commanding officer. "What do you think of that then, Sir?" he asked proudly. The officer looked him up and down with a strange light in his eyes.
"Velly funny, Amelican swine", he replied.